Cupid Wears a Top Hat
by Emozenith
Summary: Three of Gotham's smartest rogues are meeting up for a night to celebrate their latest and greatest heist. But one seems to be as late as the White Rabbit... Scarecrow/Riddler slash.
1. The Evening Before

Pairings: Scarecrow/Riddler, Scarecrow/Mad Hatter (mentions of Batman/Joker and Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn)

Appearance and backstory-wise, mainly Batman: the Animated Series for Jervis and Edward, but Year One for Jonathan with bits from others here and there for all of them.

Important notes for reading: Parts of Jervis' speech in bold are quotes from the works of the great Lewis Carroll. I don't own any of the Batman characters, setting etc. If I did, there would be more of Batman: the Animated Series on TV and less of the rubbish that is. All riddles however, regardless of how good or bad you think they are, I do own because I created them all.

Author prattle that you don't have to read: Dedicated to Higgystar, even though she gave me no particular prompt for this. Her work is so amazing and this story barely begins to cover all of the rewarding she deserves. How can you like Batman rogue fanfiction and not read her stories? They're amazing! I do take requests for Batman fic if you like this one. See my Tumblr blog, my username is chibi-dist, for more details.

This story has some pretty deep character analysis at points, psychologically. This is just my interpretation of them, feel free to disagree. My knowledge of Psychology is quite basic so sorry for any mistakes. I hope it is all understandable and not boringly over-detailed. Since it focuses more on their social lives outside of crime, it's a bit fluffier than some might like but I tried to keep them gritty and in character. Where I have added any personal headcanon, I tried to make it grounded somewhere in actual canon like Jonathan's slight interest in goth subculture (He likes gothic literature and has black nails in the Year One comic)

As much as I equally love to ship Jonathan with Jervis or Edward, I guess this story is a (long) explanation of why I think the latter is the more fitting relationship for him.

**Cupid Wears a Top Hat, You Know?**

Edward Nygma arrived first at the designated meeting spot. It was a disgustingly dilapidated place that his hygienic, perfectionist nature couldn't stand one bit. It was only for a few minutes though, until the other two turned up.

With a petulant sigh, The Riddler leant against a beam of the half-built, top floor of this abandoned construction site before flinching away to think of all the grime that might get smeared onto his nice waistcoat if he let any part of him touch his surroundings. It wasn't as if he was dressed particularly smartly; tonight wasn't a night for crime, just a social night out. So he'd ended up in a shirt, tie, jeans and waistcoat. But they were still very high-quality, stylish clothes, too good for this place. The waistcoat was one of his favourites, new, black with ornate green patterns swirled upon it.

Edward loved it so much that he was proudly admiring it in a puddle of Lord-know-what liquid when Jonathan Crane arrived.

"...You'll become so entranced with your own image that you'll stay there and die." Such lovely greetings from the God of Fear. "Not that I care."

Edward turned and glared. "I am not narcissistic; I merely have reasonable self-esteem." Once over the rude interruption, the ginger's smug superiority returned and he casually gestured to the other felon now present. "All I see when I look at your anorexic skeleton of a figure is a man desperately crying out for saviour from his pit of self-loathing."

Through his thin-rimmed glasses, Jonathan gave a look that really didn't care.

He wasn't anorexic; Edward wasn't narcissistic. It wasn't hard to work out. The two of them were both simply so maladjusted to normal social interaction that they couldn't think how to begin a conversation between them without slinging insults. It was like some kind of ritual, to see if they were still worthy of each other's time.

"Jervis isn't here yet?" Jonathan asked functionally.

Edward scoffed. "I know he's short but if you couldn't see him, you'd hear him. He never shuts up. Therefore, he most obviously isn't here." At least the one all this condescending scorn was directed at was heartless enough not to care in the slightest. Perhaps that was why they could actually function together for more than ten minutes without the punch in the face every other rogue delivered to The Riddler. "He's later than you were. What more do you expect of the little dreamer than to delay everything with his silly fantasising?"

"Firstly, I wasn't late. You were early-"

"I was what is called punctual Jona-"

"and secondly," Jonathan knew the other man hated being spoken over and ignored more than the contents of this verbal correction, "Jervis was never late once with anything during our undertaking together. Frankly, he worked faster than either of us and ended up doing most of the chores."

That fact explained why two of Gotham's smartest minds were here, meeting up in this desolate shell of a building, a fortnight after one of the worst incidents of roguery Gotham had seen in years. The police had been out everywhere the past nights until now; vengeance for the half of the force who had been fear-gassed and the other half who had been mind-controlled by chips inserted into their hats whilst The Riddler had the entire police department in chaos with his hacking of their system.

After that, a wild-goose chase of riddles all over the city for Batman and the half yet to be fear-gassed. Of course Edward had set riddles that Batman solved, and which led directly to him, but at a mention of the escaped inmates of Arkham, led by Killer Croc, all under the Mad Hatter's mind control and armed with Scarecrow's fear-gas the Dark Knight had dropped The Riddler, well left him in a rather easy to escape from Batmobile, to go and put a stop to that. It was Edward who had hacked into Arkham's security beforehand to get his two partners in. Scarecrow had dealt with most of the guards though Jervis really was rather handy with that poleaxe of his when it came down to hand-to-hand combat. It had surprised Edward that Killer Croc had a mind to control but since a lot of Jervis' work had been on controlling animals too, it wasn't hard to create something in between human and animal. All that had been for numerous heists of banks, shopping malls, jewellery stores and a city brought to its knees for the night all for a pay-off of a few billion between them.

It had been months in the planning; they had sunk nearly all they had before into the scheme. But it had paid off! The two psychologically-specialised rogues had never experienced wealth like this before. Jervis had dealt in millions but to Jonathan it was the greatest shock; he was used to living practically hand-to-mouth for food and chemicals. If any of them wanted to retire from crime, but why would they when they could be _this _successful?, now was a great time to do it. And all this begged just one question:

Why the hell had they never worked together before?

There had been some fighting during the planning, mainly between Jervis and Edward whose smug, self-absorbed and generally childish personalities clashed horribly at certain moments. Jonathan had weathered it all with a heartless I-don't-care-about-either-of-you-only-the-job attitude to living together. After the second brawl he had intervened and they'd been better behaved children from that point forward.

They'd all gone their separate ways at the end, for the meantime at least, with equal rewards in terms of money since they knew getting into a fight over who had done the most work was a bad idea. But since Jervis had done the majority of cooking and cleaning for them during their stay together in a little get-away Edward owned out of the city, he'd been granted something extra.

And he had chosen for them all to meet up this one night for some kind of evening out on the town to celebrate.

That was why these two now stood here, in casual clothes, feeling like idiots waiting for him.

"...You don't actually look bad a T-shirt, you know?" Edward observed humourously, just because he hated there to be silence which could be filled with his vocalised thoughts.

Jonathan made no reply, simply checked the time on his phone. He had grabbed any clothes, well with some thought because otherwise the effeminate Puzzle King would mock, and had ended up in a slim, black T-shirt, chequered overshirt and fashionably tattered jeans. He supposed that maybe it looked good on his slender figure, if you were into that kind of look...

It would be harder to be ignored if he went and invaded the Scarecrow's personal space so Edward did. "Any message from our little English gentleman?"

"No." Jonathan stowed his phone before it could be properly spied upon. "He's probably pretending his watch is probably two days wrong..." Looking around, there was no distinctive blonde or top hat to be seen.

That was one thing The Riddler had found a constant peculiarity during these past few months; he knew the Alice stories as well, his mind had memorised them from the times Jervis couldn't be kept from quoting. But Jonathan actually made reference to them willingly, quoted them himself even at times. They weren't his kind of book in the slightest so therefore he must read them because of Jervis. Why him though? Edward wasn't sure he wanted to let his mind work out the answer to that...

"...What?" Jonathan didn't much appreciate being stared at whilst the ginger mused on that strange curiosity.

"Nothing, just..." His quick mind seized upon something. It was very reliable to always deduce of something of interest to say, "wondering why you're wearing eyeliner." Edward's face cracked into the most obnoxious grin. It had a lot of practice.

The God of Fear looked back to his phone, scowling at his reflection. "...I'm not. You need your eyes checked."

"Oh and I suppose the fresh coat of black nail varnish is my imagination too." The doctor mentally berated himself for drawing attention to his hands with the phone.

"...What about it?" Jonathan went with just being plain rude about it.

"Why?" The Riddler queried triumphantly like a purring cat.

Seizing upon the opportunity, "You can't work this one out for yourself Edward?" he turned on the offensive.

"Oh, perhaps because you're secretly rather into the idea of being a goth since they command quite some fear with the way they dress and act? The love of Gothic literature and horror? Or perhaps you simply identify well with their I'm-misunderstood-and-therefore-I-hate-the-world teenage angst?"

The obvious sound of Jonathan's teeth gritting together betrayed him. He really scowled now and stalked away from Edward, tapping furiously at his phone to show that he was deliberately ignoring the genius.

The Riddler waited complacently. He could have gone on teasing but Scarecrow's fingers had been flexing for a syringe of fear-toxin to empty into him.

"...Jervis told me to dress nicely." Jonathan eventually admitted after he was done texting.

Strange request. Edward hadn't received one but maybe even the Mad Hatter had enough sense to know he always dressed nicely no matter what the occasion. "So you decided to come as a reject from My Chemical Romance?"

To that, the accused-goth scoffed. "They are not goth, they're emo-" He quickly scowled.

Of course, the only reason The Riddler would ever make a mistake was to trick you into making a greater one. "My, how strange you should know that Jonathan."

Luckily, the saving grace of a reply from Jervis came at that moment.

...

"Well?" Edward asked, not able to see the phone from over there.

It didn't seem to be a pleasing reply whatever it was. Jonathan was frowning and even grumbled a little as he texted a sharp, short reply back. Then he stalked off across the half-built room and crouched down beside some bared beams.

"He's not coming." Edward guessed astutely.

He didn't get a reply from the one crouched down looking like a spider with his long, gangly legs bent up around him. "...Trust him to put it at munchkin-height..." Jonathan could be heard to mutter as he stood back up with a small, folded note in hand.

And there was another interesting peculiarity. The Scarecrow was the only one who could get away with calling Jervis Munchkin, some kind of term of affection between them, and not get a neck full of poleaxe for it. But the titchy little Tetch hated any reference to his slight, proportionate dwarfism. And the God of Fear was hardly the kind for pet names. Even Edward didn't get a pet name from him...

But right now, the man watching from across the room took more interest in the note that had just been found.

"Well what is it?" Edward eventually asked.

The Master of Fear stalked over and shoved it in the general direction of his face to show him.

"Greetings and salutations March Hare, Dormouse,

My greatest apologies that I cannot be with you tonight but I must accept the Queen's invitation to croquet you see? I rather like my head residing on my shoulders.

But I am sure the two of you will have a most frabjous time together alone. This is my night of choice after all and so I simply insist that you spend it in one another's marvellous company.

I do hope you don't mind my taking of the liberty of giving you your directions for the evening but there is a table reserved for you at La Cappella Aureo under the name "Dodgson". No questions will be asked. I do hope the pair of you will make use of it. After that, I leave the evening's entertainment to your best judgement my dear best friends.

Now I do believe that's all. I'm sure two such brilliant minds need no further guidance now through this wood. It won't much matter which way you go, unless there is somewhere you wish to go to.

Yours most wonderfully,

Jervis Tetch

Edward stared past the paper at the one holding it. "He set us up on a date."

"I'm glad I had a genius like you around to work that one out..." Jonathan mocked bitterly, scrunching and ripping the paper up before tossing it away.

Surely he should be more grateful? They had a rather pleasant meal arranged for them and entire night together. As if anyone else ever offered to spend time with Jonathan Crane in the evenings.

So why was he walking away as if to leave?

"Are we not going for this meal then?" Edward called after him, thoroughly annoyed to be walked out on. Why, it was almost as if Jonathan was only here for Jervis!

Stopping, the Scarecrow looked back at him and scoffed incredulously. "You actually want to?"

"Well yes, I do actually." It wasn't as if Edward got many evenings out of this sort with his current lifestyle, even if he deserved them. The antisocial ex-professor might be bad conversation at times but at least he was smart enough to hold a reasonable game of riddles with if nothing else. It didn't seem as if tonight was one of those nights he was in one of those moods where he actually wanted to interact and enjoy himself like a normal human being.

"...Alright then." Or maybe he was.

"R-Really-? I mean, of course. Shall we go then?" Edward caught up so that they could leave this place together.

Jonathan didn't say anything, but that meant he didn't say anything spiteful or insulting. That was almost like his version of liking your company when the Fear God wasn't trying to scare you off.

When they got down to the ground, it appeared the cheapskate doctor had walked here so it looked as if they were taking Edward's car to the restaurant.

Jonathan wasn't quite sure what to make of this development to the evening. "What... is-?"

"It's a Chrysler Crossfire." Edward informed him with great pleasure as he moved around to the driver's side. "Though I'm not particularly surprised that _you _don't know that."

The Scarecrow's scathing anger made itself known by a low hiss. They all knew his upbringing was off-limits for teasing.

No, his real objection to the car was how conspicuous such a posh vehicle would be out on the streets of Gotham at night, practically as much of a hazard as having the bat-symbol shine on you. Of course he knew Edward was good enough to make sure it wasn't tracked or wanted by the police but still...

"...It's kind of conspicuous, isn't it?" Jonathan asked warily.

He received a scornful look. "Do you know what La Cappella Aureo is like-?"

"Do I look like the type who goes to fancy Italian restaurants-?"

"Then I will tell you that we'd be conspicuous if we turned up in anything less than a Chrysler." Since he still was observing from a distance, the car's owner made a gesture for Jonathan to get in already.

They drove, mainly in awkward silence to begin with.

The Georgian country boy never seemed comfortable in anything luxurious and of course The Riddler had made sure this was top of the range, personally customised probably. Some kind of imprinted idea that decadence was the desire of the devil and something a bad boy like Jonathan didn't deserve. How he'd get on in such a swanky, upmarket place to dine Edward didn't know. But he did remember that at times the Spartan doctor let himself indulge quite a lot, if only to be disobedient of Great-Granny's teachings. There was always something of a sinful child in a Jonathan Crane who was actually having some fun.

"...Oh, do you want to go home and change first?" Eventually Edward thought to ask.

It was a good thing that the driver had his eyes on the road and didn't see the insultingly derisive look from his passenger. "Why would I do that?"

"It's a very posh place."

"So?"

"So," Edward just barely stopped himself calling Jonathan a "bumpkin" or some synonym of that, "people tend to dress in their smarter clothes to eat at nice places." It was like educating a child on social decorum...

The passenger was not best pleased. This must have been what Jervis' extra message to him was about, and he had followed it. "These _are _my best clothes." Or what Jonathan thought was the most fashionable things he currently owned. He didn't quite understand teenage fashion wasn't the same as adult fashion but what more can you expect from a man who's preferred fabric is burlap?

Edward gave a very histrionic sigh. "Not even a suit?"

"Gone with my teaching career." The reply sneered. He missed one as much as the other.

Well they would just have to hope the restaurant would honour their reservation anyway, regardless of dress.

As it happens, they did. At first they wondered how much of his reward money Jervis had paid for this but then they saw the 10/6 card poking out of the waiter's hair and all was solved. The entire restaurant was empty for them so that it barely mattered in any case; only the waiters, all carded, saw them that night.

When it came to the meal, Jonathan managed to be picky and grouchy about everything. The menu wasn't in English, "Well of course not you fool. It's an Italian restaurant." "And how many of the pathetic, snobbish customers here actually speak Italian?" and then there was too much garnish, "A waste of food and space for food." "Do aesthetics mean nothing to you Jonathan?" "Why should they? They're impractical." "Dear God... That's entirely the point of aesthetics!" and he didn't think much to the meals they did have either. All far too fancy for a Scarecrow's liking. Lord knows what he would have said had they been paying for their food as well.

But the food aside, the conversation they shared was good and the mood reasonably amiable. There were a few laughs and lots of impressive and intellectual matters to discuss.

As Jonathan had learnt during this felonious undertaking together, Edward did not always provide obnoxious and irritating conversation like that of a super-intelligent child with low blood-sugar levels. Actually, he provided some of the best conversation the doctor had ever had once off his Arkham medication. The foul and vindictively silly moods were all an affect of the drugs whereas the real Edward Nygma was fascinating and even if not obsessed by it, competent enough in general knowledge to discuss the wonderful intricacies of fear with. But regardless of his knowledge level now, Edward expressed a desire to learn about fear and even if that was only for future precautions the next time he encountered Scarecrow, it was enough for the Master of Fear. And The Riddler would say exactly the same about Jonathan in relation to puzzles and enigmas of all kinds.

After all, they were both fundamental aspects of human nature, even if Edward took a less psychological approach to his obsession.

One all humans sought to avoid, a repelling drive, and the other something all humans sought to obtain and acquire the answer to, an equal and opposite attractive drive.

And Jonathan's work was just one big puzzle he was unravelling while Edward dabbled in fear putting people in his death traps. It was perhaps a little counter-intuitive, trying to make them prove their intelligence whilst limiting it with fear. The arrogant genius countered that by arguing that if they were clever enough to get out in the first place, they wouldn't have any need to feel any fear.

Well all that sparked a very long and enthralling debate upon the interplay of intelligence and fear, if the former had any negative correlation with the latter if all fears were ultimately traceable to the fear of the unknown and whether fear inhibited the full workings of the mind.

It was all such an interesting discussion that they left the restaurant still arguing about it, though everyone around was too carded to notice, and with plans in mind to go find some worthless, homeless junkies to test their hypotheses on. Jonathan always carried half a dozen syringes and a gas canister of fear toxin concealed in his clothing even on the most social of occasions like this. You didn't even need to ask if Edward's mind had a dozen riddles spare for their plans.

"I give life to those without breath whilst taking it away from those with breath. What am I?"

The young man they had found trying to salvage scrap from an alley to sell stammered nothing that could count as an answer. He wasn't quite fully in terror yet, so Scarecrow emptied a syringe into him. A strain of fear toxin that didn't cause hallucinations, only the physical effects of fear.

Jonathan waited, but Edward didn't ask anything. "...Well go on Riddle-boy." He drawled, jacking his thumb at their test subject.

Edward shrugged and groomed his hair with a hand. "If the brainless reject couldn't even answer a riddle that simple before the fear toxin, what's the use now?"

Well, maybe the highly conceited ginger had a point there. "...You could have told me before I wasted a syringe."

"Oh, well," There was that tone which forewarned an insult to intelligence, "it really isn't my problem if you weren't smart enough to work that out for yourself _Dr. _Crane."

Maybe he should empty the next syringe into Edward...

They went to find another victim, leaving that one curled into such a tight ball he practically looked as if he was consuming himself whilst his form was wracked with sobs and shivers.

"Electricity." Jonathan answered simply.

"Huh?" Edward blinked at him from behind the lilac lenses he wore. Currently they were on to help him see in the low light of a grimy, Gotham evening as well as for finding targets quickly with the infrared, heat-sensing setting. "Oh, of course." That was a simple one really. It powered inanimate tech and electrocuted living organisms.

The next time they made sure the test subject could actually answer a riddle before utilising the fear toxin.

"I am second but did not win silver. I am third but did not win bronze. I took but one breath and will end by suffering the brimstone of hell. But when I die, no one will mourn at my gravestone; what will it read?"

It appeared fear did have quite an impact on people's riddling abilities. Or maybe it was just a harder riddle.

They left that one alone and screaming into a makeshift gag, didn't want to attract any attention after all, to ponder on the results so far.

It seemed Jonathan had at least deduced something about it, so the event wasn't a total waste of time.

"...The Sun." Nope. He was just answering the riddle. "The mention of metals is a hint to the periodic table which gives you Helium for second, Lithium for third. A single breath likely means a single Oxygen and brimstone is Sulphur. The symbols spell out HeLiOS, the sun, which will of course kill everyone during its "death" so no one will be left to mourn."

Edward frowned. "Yes, yes. I made the riddle. You don't need to explain it to me..." Damn. And that had been one of his favourites. It had taken a while, five minutes for him, of staring at a periodic table to think it up.

But explaining it all was half the triumphant fun to Jonathan. Something about having all the pieces fit together neatly, nothing left over or unquestioned, that was so satisfying compared to his never-ending work on fear.

The Riddler turned the conversation to the last victim instead, musing on if fear really did make it rather unfair to test people in his death traps. Jonathan was unwilling to give any definite answer; he was more interested in if the fact that one was smarter made any effect on their experience of the fear toxin. Nothing conclusive, that couldn't be external factors. Edward didn't like the way he was being eyed up when the Scarecrow started talking about experimenting on more highly-intelligent people to see if they differed from the morons he normally captured. He quickly located another test subject, sadly a very stupid one, to get the attention off his wonderful cranium.

After that, they decided to call it a night.

Not only were all the people they found utterly brainless but things were starting to get dangerous. Most of Gotham were still out in force for the three who had caused such a disaster only a fortnight ago and no doubt the Bat would be especially vigilant for any screams.

So now all that was left to do was make it back to where Edward had parked his car without being spotted and slip away into the night. There was some sneaking at parts, but another part was very deserted and fine to talk.

It was no surprise that the other rogue could answer his riddles; Scarecrow and Mad Hatter were the other parts of the Genius Triumvirate of Arkham, also referred to as the Tea Party Trio by Jervis. Jonathan had no such chummy name for their group, except occasionally calling himself part of the nerd clique.

Still, it was nice to have someone solve his riddles who wasn't going to take him into Arkham at the end of them.

And since he was peeved and intrigued by how good Jonathan was at all his riddles, he set another one.

"Riddle me this: I work without sound or movement, or any kind of aid. I do not sit, I do not stand and always, if I am good, alone. Who would ever want my life?"

As Edward had to wait longer and longer as they walked, he grew more and more pleased with himself. Finally! The ever-so-clever doctor was stumped!

Eventually though, it seemed Jonathan was willing to admit defeat. "...I am always a singular thing. I am first but never more than an object. I can tire you out endlessly but yet your entire existence depends on mine." He grinned at the Master of Riddles. "What am _I?"_

Utterly stunned for a moment, okay so he hadn't been stumped but thinking of a riddle of his own to answer it very cleverly with, Edward made sure to answer it quickly so he didn't seem stupid or baffled himself in any way. "Smart. "Me" as in you, as in-"

"Scarecrow." The answer to Edward's riddle which Jonathan was the only one who could answer, "me" to.

Most of what the Fear God had come up with was English-based but there was a reference to myalgic encephalomyelitis, chronic fatigue syndrome, because he was medically knowledgeable too.

It wasn't exactly a great riddle, neither would say that, but The Riddler had respect for his speed and audacity in attempting such an answer.

"For all the Batman answering your riddles, he never goes to that trouble for you does he?" Jonathan proudly pointed out, breaking the other man's introspection on the curious exchange that had just happened between them.

"No..." Edward had to admit.

That alone seemed to be enough to satisfy the amateur riddler.

Well if Jonathan ever wanted the position, he'd proved to be a better sidekick than Query and Echo ever were. And he was about as attractive, from a male-interested perspective...

They were walking in silence again by this point, getting back to slightly inhabited streets, and nothing else was said until they reached the car.

"Where now?" Ever pragmatic, the Scarecrow asked as they got in and the car started up around them, flooding the interior with low, green light. All of his delight at surprising The Riddler with a riddle as an answer had disapitated by now.

Edward shrugged, beginning to drive anyway. "Where would you like to go?"

The passenger removed his glasses, wiping the lenses on a shirt tail. Dirty night air... "If you have no further plans for me, home. I've wasted enough time tonight..."

"...You think tonight has been a waste of time?" That hurt.

Jonathan could hear the upset tugging at his partner's voice. So childish... "What have you gained from it Edward?"

"Gained? Well... A very lovely, free meal. An interesting lesson on fear." That part was mainly added for flattery. "A chance to pit yet more ignorance-addled morons against my riddles. Good company..."

Of course that last one was going to be the one picked up on. Edward hadn't expected a bark of Jonathan's sharp laughter though. "Really? Have I been good company to someone for once?"

"...I enjoyed tonight..." The somewhat quiet reply came.

"I suppose Jervis always does keep inviting me back for tea parties no matter how rude I am..." Edward went ignored, which he hated, but that wasn't the main reason he pulled away from the red light with such fury, even if he could blame it on that fact. "But he does bring out the best in me at times... though perhaps that's just the tea and cake."

"Jervis aside," A snide voice cut in to bring the attention back to where it belonged, "_I _did enjoy this night with you Jonathan," on the owner of said voice.

After a pause, "I guess it's been reasonable," Jonathan agreed.

They drove on in silence, not bothered by the few other road users as they headed north through some more industrial areas-

Wait, north?

"Edward, I don't live north of here." Jonathan pointed out grumpily. He had expected the know-it-all to know where he was currently living now the three of them had broken up.

"I know." Oh, so he did know.

"Then where are we going?" Jonathan snapped incredulously.

Edward took a short stop to check if anything was coming as an opportunity to flash his passenger a devious smirk. "You said home. At no point did you specify your own."

Until the driver next glanced at him, Jonathan just frowned. "Stop the car."

"Excuse me?"

"Stop. The. Car. I'll walk home." He was already reaching to undo his seatbelt.

"W-Wait Jonathan! You don't- Why not?" Edward practically whined, making sure not to let the car slow too much. He jumped a red light, no other cars were around, in order to make sure no one escaped this car.

No answer. Just judging for a moment when it would be safe to jump out.

"Why not?!" The car stopped so suddenly that Jonathan nearly had quite an accident, considering his seatbelt was loose and he merely clung onto it.

As he picked himself out of the foot well, the Scarecrow scowled darkly. "Why do you want me to go to your place?"

The Riddler scoffed. "Because that's generally a nice way to end a date, invite them home to yours."

Sitting himself back in his seat, Jonathan seemed unconvinced that was the whole truth. Of course it was part of the truth, Edward had to tell the truth, but sometimes he could stop himself telling the whole truth if he told a good portion of it. "Edward, I-"

"It's obvious." The ginger blurted out, smirking again now he felt in control. Even though they were stationary, on double yellow lines but like that was the worst crime either of them had committed, no longer was his passenger likely to escape on him. Not until he had answers at least.

"...What is?"

Edward's smirk cracked into a full grin. "That you're bisexual Jonathan."

Wow. He had never seen an infuriated blush rise up someone's face like that before. It settled atop Jonathan's cheeks as he grasped for an answer.

It came in the form of another attempted escape from the car.

"No, no please! Don't! We don't- I wasn't suggesting that we do... do it." Edward managed to coax him to stay, though the door was open ready. "Just... come back and... and talk with me more..." Now that sounded really pathetic. As if the God of Fear, the Master of Despair, would be convinced by that.

But nonetheless, Edward received an icy blue glare over Jonathan's shoulder. "...At what point were you going to make your intentions clear? When we got there? During perfectly "innocent" conversation? In your bedroom?"

"Why is this such an issue for you Jonathan?" He sighed in great frustration. "Everything was going so well before..."

After an awkwardly tense moment waiting on the other to make some further comment or move, the one who had been thinking of escape sat back in his seat and reached to put his seatbelt back on. "Go then. Before we get caught." And to shut up the delight Edward tried to hide, "I don't fancy walking back from here and I know you won't drive me unless I play along with your stupid, childish game."

Well that was a good enough answer anyway.

So they drove on. But it was incredibly awkward. There was absolutely no speech and no glances that met. It rather defeated the point of bringing Jonathan home to his place if he was now refusing to talk. His passenger was likely talking to Scarecrow in his mind but that didn't help things between the two people with physical bodies here. There had to be _something _to talk about but Edward considered it below himself to resort to the obvious of fear or a riddle.

"...What are you going to do from here on Jonathan? In terms of your career." No one had discussed plans for after their work together. There hadn't really been the time to plan anything but their current work together.

"Continue my research." He didn't even bother to add any scorn about how obvious that was.

Easy conversation this was... "And how will you be doing that?"

"Experiments."

"Oh what a surprise(!)" Edward remarked sarcastically. They weren't far from his place now and he didn't fancy arriving with this atmosphere between them. "You really are fantastic conversation Jonathan. I must commend you, really."

"What business is it of yours?" The other hissed.

For someone driving a car, Edward was making far too many glances and gestures in his passenger's direction. "It's just something to talk about; something friends ask about."

"Since when are we friends?"

That made things very tense and antagonistic in the front of the car.

Perceiving relationships as more intimate than they actually are; a symptom of histrionic personality disorder that Edward had, or was labelled with at least. They both knew it but the one with it wasn't going to admit to it. He was right about their relationship, just like everything else that he was right about.

Their eyes met for quite a long moment in which neither showed any signs of intimidation or wavering.

"...Then what am I to you?" Edward finally asked. The car was at a stop right now.

Jonathan had to give that some thought. "...I don't know. It's not as if I have that many social acquaintances I need to categorise..." He shrugged and frowned back, not letting the other man think he would give in by looking away first.

That threw the genius a bit, though he was used to people not knowing things. "Well, tell me then; what is Jervis to you?" Edward hated to be compared to the little freak but if it was necessary, he'd comfort his delicate ego through the discomfort.

"Jervis?" This time, there was no hesitation or need for thought. "Jervis is my best friend." Jonathan had to wonder quite why that made such apparent irritation on the other rogue's face. Jealousy seemed most likely, or maybe the idea of being second to someone. "...I suppose that makes you my best friend as well Edward." Any displeasure disappeared very easily with just those few words. The man was absolutely at the will of his ego and emotions, as desperately self-absorbed a child, when it came to getting attention and approval. Another symptom of his histrionic personality disorder. For how sneaky and imperceptible The Riddler was behind a screen, in person he was as obvious as The Joker's disturbing, attention-seeking ploys for Batman each Valentine's Day. Perhaps it was all part of his awkward compulsion to tell the truth, like a visual puzzle, making his emotions so apparent. If so, they were his easiest riddles.

"Best-? Well of course!" Edward laughed and drove on happily, glad to be so near his home now. "You really do have the social skills of a half-dead alley cat with mange if you can't even deduce something as simple as who your friends are!"

Jonathan just rolled his eyes and was pleased all that had blown over so simply with that admission. He had no idea if it was true or not, about Edward being his best friend, but the point of language was not to tell the truth; it was to interact and achieve things through the manipulation of others' thoughts and actions.


	2. The Night

When they arrived, of course there was all the faff of security systems. It took about 5 minutes to get to Edward's front door from the secure place they left the car at due to all the extra doors, detours and counter-intuitive tricks. It was all far too paranoid; even Batman would struggle to get past more than half of the things that lay between them and their destination.

It was tidy and posh inside; the two things you would expect from The Riddler. There was a decided shut-in feel to the place though with all the DVDs and video games around plus furniture to make wasting time by enjoying them as comfortable and engrossing as possible.

The lowly and cheapskate Scarecrow couldn't deny that the comfort was nice though.

Neither of them drank alcohol, their brains were too precious for imbibing such a neural poison, so Edward offered coffee or other drinks instead.

"Would you like some-?"

"If you're going to make a joke about Georgia," The country boy spat, interrupting his host, "don't."

Edward just smiled at that. It seemed he didn't even have to go to the bother of saying jokes aloud for Jonathan to be annoyed by them. Classic paranoia, the kind that made him assume everyone knew about his hated childhood and thought about it as much as he did. Now if only Johnny was a bit more rational he'd realise barely anyone knew and very few of them were stupid enough to tease him about it. Edward himself had been about to offer tea, only since Jonathan had taken Jervis up so many times on the offer during their time together.

So with just the most basic of water for his guest, they continued their good conversation from the restaurant upon Edward's nicest sofa. Sometimes it was about one of them, or one member was always trying to steer it that way, but a lot of the time they discussed more general matters and began mocking practically everyone they did and didn't know. Insulting everyone else for their inferiority seemed to be a proclivity they shared, even if Jonathan only ever showed it through his callous actions. Even for all their differences, they thought in rather similar ways.

"But of course that's what you want me to notice." Jonathan commented slyly.

"What?" Edward was utterly naive to what he could mean. He had just been complimenting his other conversationalist on having such well-thought out beliefs, ones he shared with the genius himself.

"That we are well-suited for one another in certain aspects. Though of course, you have been making sure those are the only aspects highlighted Edward." The doctor fixed him with a very piercing gaze and smile. "Did you really think, all the while you were complimenting my intelligence, that I was too stupid to notice all the subtle ways you were ingratiating yourself to me?" Edward's expression soured, knowing the game was up. He hadn't been expecting Jonathan not to notice- "No, let me guess. They were another one of your tests, a very well-disguised puzzle you didn't even announce. I was meant to see them and therefore become further proof of how fitting we are for one another."

Despite being picked up on, Edward felt cocky. He barely even realised his amazing mind did things like that. "...Very good Jonathan." He purred. "Well, go on then. List them all."

"Why?" That was pointless now.

"So that I know you aren't cheating." Even if this was a very hard thing to cheat at, it wasn't impossible. Most of the rogues had suspicious minds and he wouldn't have put it above Jonathan to guess he was being tested with everything The Riddler said.

With great exasperation, "Fine, some," Jonathan sighed and gave a few just to satisfy. "You drew parallels between our unhappy childhoods as if that makes it easier for us to understand and comfort one another; you called every fear you mentioned by its Ancient Greek name to demonstrate an interest and higher than layman knowledge of the subject; you constructed your answers so that many led directly to further, personal questions about yourself which, when answered, made me feel as if our relationship must be close to be privy to such "secrets" about yourself as well as showing how deep and complex your mental disorders are, because you know that your main appeal to me is exploitation of your fragile psyche; and finally," Here he gestured past Edward to the bookshelf across the room, "you subtly had me seat myself facing your bookshelf upon which _The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, The Complete Edgar Allan Poe Tales _and various works of H.P. Lovecraft reside very obviously. Really, you should know me better than to pick such obvious choices."

Edward turned and stared backwards at the shelf for a moment. He couldn't help it if he wasn't much one for horror stories. Deliberately scaring yourself seemed such a stupid concept to him when fear was something designed to be avoided. But perhaps the brains of those who had no chance at mental stimulation found some sort of cheap thrill in all that. He doubted they properly appreciated the deeper intricacies and demonstrations of human nature that Jonathan did when reading them. But Edward supposed he liked them for their mystery.

"Satisfied now?" His bored guest asked, turning his gaze back around.

In spite of all that, Edward still felt good and confident about this conversation. "Alright, but as you correctly said; you were meant to notice all those things Jonathan. Of course," He shifted a little closer, relishing the fact it unsettled his target who was so pleased with himself. That was Edward's job, to be so smug and right, "that doesn't make our suitability any less, just because I made the aspects so obvious."

Jonathan shifted away just slightly but allowed the arm around his shoulders, knowing it was something Edward really couldn't control. Inappropriate seductive behaviour; another facet of his HPD. "No, but may I ask you something?"

Now the great and mighty Scarecrow didn't know an answer to something? What a change that was after he had just seen through all that! "Oh if you have to, because you can't work it out for yourself." Edward taunted.

"I could. I'm just lazy- No, I just don't care to waste my brainpower on this." This was exasperating enough to draw a sigh from Jonathan as he rubbed gently at his eyes. It was getting late and the lights were pleasantly low. "Why are you so fixated upon me all of a sudden Edward? I assume it was something from the time we spent together planning, but quite honestly why me? I am nothing special, nothing you could celebrate catching. I'm surprised you even consider someone like me worthy of yourself."

Something in all that greatly angered Edward, not that the one asking really cared. ""Someone like me"? Someone like the only person I have ever met with approaching reasonable intelligence that takes my riddles seriously and doesn't cheat?!" He slapped Jonathan's hand from his face to make sure he got the attention of as many senses as possible. Such an act really displeased the Master of Fear as well who hated being touched in such a way. "And you can't deny that you aren't interested in me also, even if it's only a sick and twisted perversion to toy with me until I break!" Well it wasn't denied but it wasn't agreed with either. There weren't even any visual signs as Jonathan's expression remained set in a scowl. "Though frankly now I really am uncertain why I am even bothering. You might be somewhat smart but you're hardly worth the effort Jonathan Crane; you were right about that much." With a huff, he stood and paced around the room, not sure quite how to eject his guest without it seeming that his plans had gone awry and he had made a mistake.

So Edward wasn't quite sure of his reasoning? Interesting... That might stop him getting bored as he was wont to do with most friendships and relationships he had tried to make over the years, all of which Jonathan had watched fall through with spectacular dramatics. At first he would be all over them and suddenly the passion would wear off, he would realise their cleverness had just been a momentary fluke or deliberately to impress or manipulate him. Edward really was rather useless with people once he got close to them but what more could you expect from someone who had grown up with a father that had given him a very good reason not to trust or rely upon any close relationships? And the fact that Jonathan had deduced his mother had left his life at an age where Edward was accustomed to her attention and love but not yet strong enough to cope without it or come to terms with its loss was one of the main reasons he had developed his histrionic personality disorder the doctor reckoned. He was seeking someone who would provide the unconditional and endless love and reassurance a mother gave. But then his over-thinking, ever-worrying mind would kick in and he would start to doubt them, picking up on every tiny fault they made, expecting everyone that became close to him to end up abusing him as his father had and so his mind subconsciously had him destroy all relationships before they could get that far by allowing his childish tantrums and off-putting arrogance.

No one was as clever as Edward Nygma. He could do or have anything he liked.

And so the only one that could and did stop him was himself.

Jonathan began to chuckle and his subject of study stopped pacing to glare. "What? What are you laughing at?" He snapped.

"Oh, only how fascinating you are." When you saw that fiendish grin on that gaunt and unholy face, you couldn't help but be wary no matter how smart you were. "But I really can't fathom this one thing about your fascination with me; I doubt I am anything like your mother. So why do you crave my attention?"

That really surprised the genius. "...Wh-What bearing does my mother have on all this?" His sudden caginess was well-noticed. "A-And how...?" He never mentioned her. Edward didn't want anyone thinking his mother had had any part in him ending up like this, because she had not. She had been wonderful, perfect, loved him so much.

"How old were you? 6? 7? Most likely a sudden trauma; she died?" There always had been something of a boy showing off to his devoted mother about Edward and it hadn't been too hard once he actually bothered to give it a little thought. Like an algebra equation; he knew the answer, Edward now, and had to work out the unknowns on the left side, his past, from that. Not difficult at all. "You still miss her even now. As much as you certainly perform your crimes to prove yourself to your father, I imagine a lot of your other, more personal problems relate back to how you've never come to terms with the loss of her." Jonathan cracked a very unnerving grin as he sat upon the sofa most comfortably. One long leg was folded over the other at the knee and while one arm was folded into his lap, the other hand was up to his face, a spindly digit tapping just below the right corner of his grinning mouth. "Don't you crave someone holding you, patting your head, never growing tired of you, always seeming to be perfect, telling you "what a good boy you are Edward" and "how proud mummy is of you"?"

Edward seemed rather haunted suddenly, paling and feeling a small shiver pass through his body. "T-That's... N-No...!" He tried to be insistent but something prevented him from managing him. "T-That's sick Jonathan..."

He wasn't quite literal about the whole mother thing of course, that would be creepy even by Scarecrow's standards. "If I have noticed any pattern in my limited observation of romance, it is that people tend to be attracted to those like their primary caregivers in personality, often their mothers therefore. It becomes the basis for all future relationships after all, any Psychology dropout knows that, so I wouldn't say it's totally unbelievable even if I've never bothered to look for actual studies on the subject." Considering his own primary caregiver though, Jonathan did not look forward to the prospect of a romantic partner like Great-Granny. Hopefully his theory didn't hold true if they were disliked or never formed a very good relationship.

Edward supposed that all made sense but didn't quite see what it was leading to here. "...So you think I'm looking for someone who provides me with the emotional affections my mother did and therefore cannot fathom why I'm interested in you?"

"Yes, to be simple about it."

For just long enough to make a derogatory comment, Edward restrained his laughter. "You really do deserve to be in Arkham if you're comparing yourself with my mother Jonathan!"

Laugh at him for his physical features or awkward social tendencies, fine. But laughing at his mind, conclusions he deduced with great skill and care when frankly he didn't even know why he was here wasting his time with this highly-conceited brat of a man was too much.

Crossing the room, Jonathan grabbed the slightly shorter man by the tieknot and dragged him up to shout in his face. "No one deserves to be in Arkham Edward and you know it!" Nope, not ever The Joker. He deserved to be somewhere nearly as horrible but not that bad.

With reluctance, Edward let his smile fade to a scowl because he had to agree with that.

"You in particular;" Jonathan continued, just plain enraged now. Playing these mind-games with Edward, trying to work him out and also why he wanted to be worked out, was interesting and all but just plain tiring after a while, "you really don't deserve Arkham. I might be psychopathic enough to deserve it when I allow Scarecrow to take control but you're no real threat of that nature, Riddler."

There was something Edward hated; being treated as a lesser rogue just because he seemed so gimmicky and more concerned with flair than substance, as if the entire thing was a game to him. It wasn't. "I torture! I kill! I am a serious threat to this city! I could take control of the whole of Gotham if that was what I wanted! I could do anything!" He was shouting and posturing like a professional child being told he was still too young to do something by his parents.

"And so you choose to play with the Bat and let him catch you?" That was probably the madness that bought Edward his place in Arkham. Jonathan couldn't help but give a very insulting bark of chuckles. "Well I won't stop you in that case. It's wonderful to watch your hypochondria worrying you to death in that rotten hellhole." He loved to be placed in the cell across from Edward and watch the slow deterioration of that incredibly self-destructive mind into greater insanity each time, placing bets with himself on how long the other rogue's bravado and self-assurance would last before he realised he was all alone and no one cared, no one was impressed by him in there. Barely anyone would try and reassure Edward it was all going to be fine aside from his doctors and even then, he wouldn't believe them. He wouldn't believe anyone except...

"Well thank you so-called "best friend" for that!" Edward slapped his tie free in the pause Jonathan was taking to observe him. As the taller man grew angrier, the chance of him letting Scarecrow come out also grew and he didn't much fancy that. But with his pride damaged, restoring that needed to come first. "And I'm perfectly justified to worry as I do in there! Such squalor and utter disregard for basic human standards of hygiene-"

"...So that's it."

"that I'd rather live with the monkeys in Arkham zoo. They'd be cleaner and better intellectual conversation I imagine- What's it?" Once Edward started saying something, he wasn't going to let anyone interrupt him and his no doubt great thought for anything. "...What Jonathan?" Or maybe it was Scarecrow.

There was a smile on Jonathan's face, that rarely boded well, and a certain light in his ice blue eyes. Normally a similar sort of thing seized him when Scarecrow had slipped out but it didn't sound like Scarecrow and wasn't trying to spook him so maybe it wasn't.

Jonathan, for it was still him Edward deduced when he talked, explained in a rather pleased and almost excited way. "You want someone better than you Edward; someone you can look up to. Not necessarily smarter than you but someone whose intelligence you respect, who you can believe over your own. Just as a parent always knows best."

"Hm, oh really?" The accused scoffed wryly, disbelieving every word. "You don't suppose that's rather preposterous when everyone knows- everyone considers me such a massive narcissist that I would never admit anyone is better than me, even if they outsmart me? Why on Earth would I want someone better than me when I won't even concede such a person exists?"

All of that disagreement did nothing to discourage the doctor. He pressed on, voice lowering to a delighted and somewhat secretive murmur. "But that's not true, is it? That's just what everyone else, who are idiots, thinks." Such an allegation seemed to shake Edward slightly. "Oh you do certainly believe no one is smarter than you are and intelligence is the thing you respect most, but it doesn't necessarily follow from those two premises that someone has to be smarter to be better than you." Their faces came closer and Jonathan looked into peridot eyes that were beginning to take on the fright of a small child. "Aren't you tired of thinking Edward? You want someone to do the thinking for you, just occasionally, don't-?"

"N-No, I-!"

Jonathan pressed his finger very gently over Edward's ever-so-slightly quivering lips. "Shh... The doctor's talking Edward." The loud-mouthed, attention-seeking genius did as he was told. He closed his mouth to just watch Jonathan's eyes and listen to his voice. "There is a reason it tends to be the greatly intelligent who get depressed; we cannot simply let go and enjoy life like an animal. I know that; I understand." Comfort and sympathy from the Scarecrow? You never expected it to come and you would certainly never accept it if it did. "It makes you feel futile when you see just how much there is that cannot be accomplished, cannot be known. You see the whole of life and how small and insignificant you are. It does nothing but make you worry, always considering the worst possible outcomes as well as the good."

"N-No... s-stop..."

"Yes, you can have it convince you of how perfect your plans are, rationalise you as the smartest man alive but at the same time, it gives you all of your worries; fear of the unknown may be the most basic fear but it is impossible to worry about that which you do not know exists. So many ways you could suffer and die..." Edward's clammy palms held onto his waist tightly as he wrapped his arms around himself without thinking. "Your mind is too good, isn't it Edward? You can't stop yourself from thinking in just the same way you can't stop yourself leaving clues and puzzles for everyone to solve. It's out of your control now; you can no longer stop it destroying and defeating you."

Edward whined and pressed his eyes shut, trying to block all of this out in the most basic way he could.

He was The Riddler! His mind was his greatest asset! What he loved and revered above everything! He didn't hate it.

He didn't...

"Someone who will always be right, someone who you will believe above yourself when they tell you everything will be alright..."

_No, that's not..._

"Someone you can rely upon to think for you, someone to be impressed by your intelligence regardless of how you use it..."

_Not what..._

"Someone who can take control of your mind and stop it over-thinking so much that it destroys you..."

_What I..._

"Don't you want that, sometimes, Edward?"

_I want..._

Jonathan held out his hand and Edward was surprised to find his eyes open and looking at it, following up its arm to Jonathan's face. "Don't you want me Edward?"

He was grinning a sick and twisted grin.

"To control, manipulate, possess you," had been left off the end of his offer.

But Edward knew it all. He knew what he wanted.

Or so he had thought.

But this just proved how right Jonathan was. Edward's mind had worked all of this out, selected someone it reasoned fitting, without his conscious say-so or knowledge.

Still waiting for an answer, Jonathan inclined his head slightly. "Is that another thing that your brain did without you realising it?"

How could this man, the study-absorbed and uncaring Scarecrow, know him so well? No one could understand him and his genius mind, how to use all of its advantages and navigate its faults.

But some part of his subconscious must have picked up on that during their time planning together, the tasks that The Riddler had been assigned and the way he had been treated. If only it hadn't taken this long to realise all of this...

"...What will you do with me?" Edward cringed at how pathetic he sounded but giving over control to someone likely to torment him day in and day out wasn't a clever thing to do without caution.

"Whatever I deem the most fitting use for you." Well that did nothing to ingratiate himself with the fearful, smaller rogue. "Really Edward, it will just be like working together again. I'll only do what you need me to, where you want someone else to take control. I can be better than you at certain things without being better overall."

He thought about just walking towards Jonathan now, the offered hand had been dropped after so long, but Edward stopped himself after the first step. "You won't abuse me?" The fact he was asking that and whom he was asking it to made him chuckle dryly.

"Probably not, unless you want me to." As if anyone would say yes to that but he seemed hopeful anyway. "Scarecrow however..."

Edward sighed. It was a death sentence accepting this offer. If not an overdose of fear toxin, he'd have a heart attack before very long. Jonathan wasn't going to be caring or particularly loving and attentive to him.

"Come on..." Suddenly, the indecisive man found himself enveloped in a thin and rather awkwardly jaunty hug.

Or maybe he might be a little caring and all that, at times.

Edward relaxed, taking a deep breath and scenting the ghastly smell of fear toxin but also something clean and rural. He hadn't been out in the countryside to place it as anything in particular but it was probably burlap, straw or something.

"...You just made the decision for me." He suddenly realised, glaring up at the taller rogue from inside the embrace he was now returning.

"And wasn't it nice?" Jonathan grinned hopefully. It sent a shiver down the other's spine. The God of Fear was far too enthusiastic about this for it to be good. "You were worrying, weighing up every eventuality and possibility, but now I've taken all those worries away."

Not convinced. "There is a reason people worry, just like there is a reason for fear Jonathan. It's practically the same thing, except lesser."

"Which is precisely why I am so good at controlling it." He fussed Edward's groomed back hair, finding it too soft to have any kind of gel in it.

"I'm not," Edward tried to pull away, "sure about this-"

"Shut up Edward." Jonathan's command was simple and pleasantly enough delivered.

But the one squirming and fussing like an irritable child wasn't happy no matter how it was delivered. "Don't you dare tell me to-!"

When they pulled apart from the quick and brutal kiss, both found themselves with slightly bitten lips. It seemed for all they spoke and sparred verbally, actions were sometimes better.

"You see? If you had done as I said and shut up, I wouldn't have had to bite so much." Jonathan admonished, finally releasing his prisoner.

"You wouldn't have _had _to," Edward made sure to get away enough before he was reclaimed again, "but you would have done so anyway."

Jonathan was looking around between the exits from this room but allowed a small smirk at that anyway.

Grabbing Edward's wrist, he began to drag. "The bedroom must be this way, I reason."

"B-Bed-?! What?! Jonathan!" Edward couldn't help but be dragged and frankly, he didn't care to put up much a fight any longer. "If you want me to shut up, this is hardly going to help." Since he couldn't physically refuse, it was back to hurling glib remarks and sarcasm. "Though then again, it's probably as thin as a rake down there too I would imagine. Long and thin, right Jonathan?" And insults. Always insults between them. "Riddle me this: Like a frankfurter next to a normal sausage, the- Hey!" He was hurled across the room onto his own bed.

"If that's what you want Edward," The other rogue crossed the room more smoothly, still on his feet as opposed to flying through the air, "you'll get it soon enough." Jonathan grinned, pinning his prey down easily over the side of the plush bed. Trust The Riddler to have a question mark-covered duvet.

"Okay, but one thing first." Edward didn't let his slight blush stop him asking questions and causing the one dominating him currently to roll his eyes. "What do you get out of this? Why seize me now when you've had years to make a move at any point?"

It was only worth dignifying that query with the most laconic of responses. "Lazy." Edward was highly frustrated by that. "For all your intelligence, that is what you are. You know the answer. I'm not going to trawl your brain for you." He may have agreed to do some thinking for Edward but that wasn't because Jonathan cared or wanted the other rogue to have an easier and happier life. It was just a very interesting and thorough way to manipulate such a brilliant and troubled mind.

"Well aside from the obvious fact of the smartest man alive to perhaps help you with whatever you wish, and such an attractive and highly-skilled lover," Quite why he wanted that skeletal, pallid body Edward wasn't sure but he had never cared much for the bodies his sex drive pointed to, only the brains inside, "someone to abuse I suppose is the greatest thrill for you."

Well all that was highly obvious but they both knew there was more.

"I can and will help you with your research; I present you a challenge not only intellectually with my riddles but in more emotional aspects as a complex human being. In the areas you are inferior to me, you will always seek to catch up and in the few areas you surpass me, you will have to work hard to continue beating me. During these past months together you have become adjusted to the mental stimulation I provide as well as giving you a purpose and someone to impress with your beloved research." It seemed as if listing all this was boring Edward but it wasn't since he was getting to show off and had Jonathan's full attention bearing down upon him. "As to why not before now, you knew I would never accept a conclusion you made for me. It had to be left as a puzzle I solved by myself." Even if he hadn't realised he had done so. "I just suppose you were too much in awe of me to consider making any such move before now. You knew you had to prove yourself worthy of my attentions first, no matter how much you desired me."

If by all that arrogance at the end Edward actually meant Jonathan hadn't given a toss before this point about relationships and Edward then he was of course correct on all accounts.

"Fine." That had been interesting enough to listen to, it had clarified the reasons Jonathan held somewhere in his mind without ever giving them proper thought, but now talking was done. He did greatly enjoy everything they had discussed and reasoned together tonight but now he grew weary of it and had been waiting long enough.

At first it was ferocious, clothes barely off and few words except urgent instructions and desperate demands. Edward with one leg bent up over Jonathan's shoulder and the other off at quite an uncomfortable angle. He was only kept on the bed by the force of Jonathan's deep and erratic thrusts.

Things got better after that initial coupling. They took it slower, in the bed this time rather than on top and half over the edge. There had needed to be that rage, almost a wordless and loveless competition before any natural antagonism could be thrown away with their clothes onto the floor. They both took turns at penetrating; Jonathan seemed surprisingly at ease with his very unchristian sexuality. It was all still forceful and needy, since it was hardly as if the nerdier rogues such as them got much release of this nature, but there were some tender kisses to very painful bites and scratches in the lulls between each copulation.

True to form, Edward was talkative throughout, top or bottom, whether he was in control of the proceedings or not. The boundaries of the control he would surrender to Jonathan were quickly established but it surprised Edward himself just how much control he was willing to surrender to a fellow rogue, though because of his intelligence and what had been proved earlier, Jonathan was probably the most trustworthy person left in his dangerous and aloof life. It should have been ludicrous to trust such an abusive, mental sadist but perhaps because he was so proficient in abuse, Jonathan knew how to do it safely. Even Scarecrow, who Edward expressed an uncertain interest in meeting under such friendly and intimate circumstances, was reasonable. He was rougher still than Jonathan, who felt affection was best shown with bat-chipped teeth and black nails, but never went too far despite his callousness and desire to use fear toxin during sex, which the line was drawn at.

Well, at least for tonight.

"Oh Christ...!" Jonathan blasphemed happily. "I didn't... think it could be used like _that_..." He was observing Edward's naked body lying prostate beside him in bed, propped up on elbows with such a feline curve to his spine and languidly kicking legs. He hadn't been certain about letting Edward take him for a second time in a row but the fact that The Riddler was such a great contortionist that he could suck on Jonathan's cock whilst fucking him, both of them sitting up...

The brazen ginger beside him chuckled, not at all caring that the covers weren't doing what they were meant to by name thrown back down the bed on his side. He laughed because of how Jonathan hid under the covers on his side, utterly embarrassed now in spite of how forceful and dare it be said, kinky he had been earlier. That was entirely Scarecrow's fault, desires that leaked through into Jonathan's mind sometimes; Great-Granny had been homophobic and just as puritanical about the rest of sex, so it was almost natural for his alter persona to have grown so. It was an aspect not indulged though because striking fear and terror into everyone alive was more important than that vendetta with his past. "Pleased now, aren't you?"

Did he have to actually admit to that? Wasn't the answer obvious? "...'course..." Jonathan muttered very incomprehensibly, turning onto his side away from his new lover.

Edward moved across and dared to stroke the mess of short, cinnamon-coloured spikes that was Jonathan's sex-ruffled hair. Carnal and animalistic copulation was one thing but human intimacy between them...

It strangely wasn't that unwelcome, even if both of them found it so alien because of their childhoods. On the whole, it tended to more take the form of fascinated poking than normal affection but the intentions were the same.

"Stop that..." Jonathan groped backwards and knocked his hand away.

Edward knew though that it was only because he liked it too much, not because the stroking was unwelcome. He'd give it a bit more time.

Next he moved across to slip under the covers as well, holding his bedfellow from behind.

"Edward, stop..." Jonathan refused to call it what it is, spooning, "holding me..." He shrugged the smaller ginger off his back with a kick to the shins for good measure. "How am I meant to sleep like that?"

"Sleep? You're going to sleep now?"

With great bother, Jonathan made the effort to turn and face him a bit. "Do you seriously want _another _round?" After all the increasing bartering the last three had taken. "I'm tired. In the morning. Turn the light off and go to sleep." The God of Fear went to rub his tired eyes, accounted for his glasses, then realised his glasses weren't on right now and felt a fool. With a big grump, he forced his head back into the soft pillows.

Edward watched all this, and was fine with sleep, but did feel something else was missing. "What? Are you not going to grace me with any of your well-renowned and brilliant conversation skills tonight Jonathan? Do I get no pillow talk?" He sighed for effect, making sure his partner stayed awake to pay attention to him.

"No, and stop drawing question marks on my back." The covers kept being tugged off his very thin and pale body. So much for the tan he had built up as a child in the blistering Georgian sun.

"But you're so fascinating to talk to Jonathan... The most worthy of the few, you know?" No way was Edward giving up on this. Who knows what might happen overnight? Even after all that, it was hard to trust the Scarecrow not to do something terrifying while they slept, like leave just as their perfect relationship was beginning.

Neither were going to get what they wanted at this rate; Edward was going to whine until he got more attention and Jonathan wasn't going to get any sleep with the whining. Great.

"...Fine! Fine!" The more irritable one finally snapped after some more attempts at conversation from the other one. "You want pillow talk?" Jonathan was sitting up and Edward looked very pleased beside him. "There!" The God of Fear thwacked his new lover hard in the face with his pillow. "Talk to the fucking pillow. Goodnight."

Edward just about resisted the urge to "ooooo!" mockingly and his mind told him now was the smart time to stop no matter how much attention he wanted. He needed sleep as well, even if less than normal cretins.

"Wait." Jonathan actually had other ideas though, as Edward finally lay down on his side of the bed and closed his eyes.

"Yes Jonathan?" Edward smirked through the dark.

"Give me my pillow back." He snatched it anyway and turned away.

There was one final sigh at ill-thought-out planning before the near-silence of sleep.


	3. The Morning After

Once Jonathan was awake enough to remember whom he was in bed with, he was surprised that he hadn't received a more annoying wake-up the instant his bedfellow was awake and decided he wanted some attention.

Admittedly Edward was doing a crossword on his shoulder when he woke up, "Voltaire always wrote his work upon his lover's bare back," he later defended, but it hadn't been noisy or particularly rude.

Now the Master of Fear was groping around for where he thought he had left his glasses beside the bed last night whilst Edward was griping and picking up the newspaper and pen that had been cantankerously flung across the room.

"Looking for these?" Jonathan didn't even need to look when he heard that tone.

"Give them here Edward..." He held out his hand towards the ginger who was close enough to be slightly fuzzy around the edges.

But no, The Riddler wanted to try them on. "Nothing compared to my domino mask of course but- My, your eyesight is really terrible Jonathan!" He laughed as a claw-like hand groped for them, misjudging the distance by half a metre short. "How do you even function without these?"

This time, his aim wasn't quite so off when their owner went to snatch them back. "You learn to adjust, to use other senses and rational intuition." Putting them back on, Jonathan wasn't sure he wanted to be able to see that annoyingly cheerful smile more clearly. "Besides, hyperopia isn't such an inconvenience in our line of work as its opposite would be..." He got up and headed for what was probably an en suite.

After freshening up, it was coffee for Edward whilst tea for Jonathan, "Jervis must be rubbing off on me." "Not literally I hope..." "What was that?" "Nothing." And it turned out The Riddler's culinary boasting was merited when he offered to cook for them both; well it was better than if the other rogue had tried to cook for himself at least.

Jonathan was presented with two slices of toast cut up into a rather famous set of shapes.

"Why is my breakfast tangrams-?" He looked up suspiciously at the puzzle genius. "Actually, I can guess."

Placing his chin on folded hands, Edward's jade eyes attended to the toast. "I want to see what you make with them."

Great. But it was The Riddler he supposed...

Now since he'd been given no further instruction, Jonathan supposed Edward was looking for some particular shapes to sate his still-present worries about being perfect for one another.

Well... there were two pieces of toast...

Jonathan worked quickly, not wanting his breakfast to get cold in the process of this stupid game.

Before long, a rather jagged question mark and a bird were sitting on his plate.

"There. Now can I eat _my _breakfast?"

"What is that?" The bird was questioned.

"A crane or a crow. Can I eat?"

Edward supposed that was acceptable. He had not had a particular answer in mind but those were two of the few that would please him. It demonstrated Jonathan's mind to him well, and that this relationship was suitably at the forefront of it.

The rest of breakfast was consumed in peace, although Edward had to stop the Fear Master going into gruesome detail about how he had tortured one particular helminthophobe.

"I'm going to have a shower." Jonathan announced when he was done, heading back to the bathroom he had used earlier. Strange how at home he already seemed in this house...

But it seemed a very clever puppy wanted to follow at his heel.

"Edward, what are you doing?" Jonathan barred him from entering as the en suite well.

The genius seemed surprised. "What? I want to shower too. Really Jonathan? We made love half a dozen times last night, and you're still half-naked and delicious right now." They both looked down at the scrawny, partly clothed body and one blushed. "What's wrong with having a shower together?"

That reasoning was not accepted. "We have spent one night together. That is not enough." Edward wanted a figure on how many would be but was stopped before he could start. "Though I suppose you can't help it, with your HPD."

In an instant, another argument was started. "You think that I am perceiving this relationship as more intimate than it is?!" He took note of the slight eyebrow raise from the ex-professor. "Yes, I know! I hear them over and over in Arkham and that stupid, ironic PRAISE ME mnemonic for the symptoms."

"Edward, calm down-"

"Don't you dare tell me what to do Jonathan Crane! This is my house, you are my guest and I am not a child!" Edward was practically screaming. He hated how he couldn't control his voice when he got this emotional; his whole image was so perfectly constructed, every last detail tailored to ensure people got the best possible perception of him as he wanted to be seen and then such a simple thing had to go and let it all down.

Anyone else, and Jonathan would likely have hit them by now. He had had every intention to do it this moment before recalling the other man's past and stopping himself just in time. "Fine. It's natural that we might see things differently right now-"

"Are you really that stupid that you've forgotten last night?! You proved so perfectly that you wanted me and now you're discarding me, just like that?! Well if that's how it is, as if I ever needed you-!"

"Do you trust me Edward?" Jonathan cut in with a strong, harsh tone that didn't need to be loud.

It knocked the argument right off track. "...What? Trust you? What the hell are you asking now Jonathan?"

"I'm asking if you trust me." He wasn't going to lower himself to the level of unmerited insults as well. Sometimes, the doctor wondered if Edward's quick and strong irritability had been inherited from his father, through genes or upbringing, but that was a matter to address another time.

"I..." It surprised the one being questioned how uncertain he was of that. "Well of course. I have every reason to. Rationally, what reason would you have to-?"

"No, not rationally. Do you feel it?" For such a mind to have to think about it rather than give an immediate response proved the decision couldn't be made quickly as it could be if it was a held feeling.

Edward shifted his posture, really quite incredulous. "Is this right? Is Jonathan Crane, Scarecrow, God of Fear, talking about "feelings" of all things?"

He didn't get a verbal response, just a stern look to hurry up and answer.

"...I trust you a bit, more than most." Edward eventually shrugged.

"Exactly." Jonathan claimed, adjusting his slipping glasses. "Because of your condition you will rush into a situation you later find yourself uncomfortable in. I noted that much about us both last night." He was ashamed to admit that but hormones and weariness had gotten the better even of his mind for once. "Neither of us are disposed to trusting easily. Give it more time Edward." And with that, the door was shut in the ginger's face without even time to give an answer.

"...Alright..." Edward muttered bitterly, supposing that maybe, just slightly, Jonathan might have a point. He might have been slightly uncomfortable about quite how far they went last night, constantly reassuring himself with rational cognition that the other man was perfect for him, they had known each other for years plus had just lived together for two and a half months and it needn't mean anything if this relationship didn't work out, but it would, so there was no need to worry.

But still he had felt unease about it, not that either rogue would have shown any anxiety they experienced for fear of mockery. The deed was all done now, and he felt a bit of a fool for it all, but that feeling had been lessened so much by knowing Jonathan shared it.

For all Edward could convince himself with every intellectual reason possible, beyond reasonable doubt, that something was or would be all right, he could never quite erase the seed of worry lying at the heart. That seed was an emotional problem, one that couldn't be tackled with rational thought no matter how much he suppressed everything that grew from it, and that was why he needed Jonathan, someone he could put faith in.

"Faith?" Edward laughed dryly as he sat on the edge of his bed in a slight sulk. He had never been religious and hated the very idea of living by rules someone else decided for you. Marx had been right; the opium of the masses. Too stupid to think for themselves, they happily let themselves be led around like sheep. There was going to be none of that with Jonathan; this so-called "faith" would be entirely rational in base since he knew whatever his partner told him would be well-thought out and as correct as if he had reasoned it himself. It just so happened that Jonathan happened to have more knowledge in certain areas, therefore certain thinking tasks were better delegated to him.

And there would be a kind of mental hedonism to be gained by letting someone think for a genius mind such as his... Physical hedonism was one thing but mental hedonism... Only two such geniuses as them could have that.

After everything was sorted and settled, with no further fights of large proportions, just small things like the eyeliner smeared on Jonathan's pillow, they were both in agreeance over a certain someone who required a visit.

"Jervis! Jervis you devious, little creep!" Edward was knocking loud enough on the door to almost hurt his own hand. It was very lucky that the English rogue had found a house in the grounds of an old and abandoned school. The small abode had been meant for the caretaker of the school but no care of that place had been taken in decades. There had been plans to build something better on the site but considering the entire building had been rigged with traps by Edward a few years ago, an interesting game to see if the teachers and governors were as smart as the children they taught, no one had dared go near the place even to demolish it.

Jonathan forced him aside, taking out a key from a pocket.

"You-? Why-?" Edward watched him open the door with ease. "Never mind. I thought you seemed rather experienced in bed with a man last night..."

The implication of that wasn't even acknowledged as both rogues entered and called again to the house's occupant.

"Oh really Marchie!" An exasperated, English voice finally replied, drawing closer to being seen at the top of the stairs. "I'm not even dressed." Indeed, Jervis descended the stairs with an unbuttoned shirt, loose bowtie and fluffy, pink towel where his top hat usually was.

Edward looked away to Jonathan who seemed utterly unphased by the sight. "Sorry. We assumed you'd be up by now." The tallest one apologised to the shortest.

""**It's always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles."**" Finishing with the drying of his messy, blonde hair, Jervis tossed the towel aside and buttoned his shirt. "I am up, as you can see, in the standard vertical position humans assume when awake, and have been since 6, **"It's always 6 o'clock now."" **He sighed, tying his oversized bowtie as well and not finding the words he said contradicting or strange in the slightest.

Jonathan also seemed not to mind, or heaven forbid he might understand them. "About last night."

"Ah." The Mad Hatter grinned very mischievously and toothily. "It went well, I see." He looked to Edward for a moment who felt very much like some mere accessory by now.

"Jervis," Jonathan dealt with him easily almost like a parent with a child, "not that we didn't appreciate it-"

"Lovely to hear so my dear March Hare-"

"Or enjoy it." Edward chipped in, simply to feel a part of the conversation still.

Jervis grinned at him. "Oh really Dormouse?" He taunted as if he knew. There was always a fear the mini mind-controller might develop a way to read thoughts as well. "**"Come, let's hear some of your adventures.""**

"Just tell us why." For once, Edward didn't say any more than necessary. He knew he didn't deal well with the short rogue.

"Very well." Jervis smoothed down his shirt and hair, wondering where his dear hat had gotten to. "**"Have some wine," the March Hare said in an encouraging tone."** He gestured to a doorway.

Knowing the shortest genius also didn't imbibe alcohol for the sake of his precious brain, Edward felt confused but said nothing. Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and prove them all right.

"Yes, we'll have tea." Thankfully, Jonathan seemed to recognise a quote whenever there was one.

While Jervis went to find his beloved hat first, it seemed a good time to ask. "How do you understand everything he says Jonathan? All of those stupid quotes."

"They're not stupid. It's just how he expresses himself, like your riddles." Jonathan knew where the kitchen was as well. It wasn't a surprise by now. Edward did want to object about comparing his riddles to Jervis' quotes however, but he wasn't allowed. "And I understand them because I have taken the time to read the books a few times each."

The one that felt as if he was the single remaining sanity in this house scoffed. "Why on Earth would you waste your time like that?" They sat at the table, hearing small, descending footsteps.

"It wasn't." That was all Jonathan could reply before the Mad hatter busied back in and made some tea.

The three soon all got to discussing it properly over tea, the issue of why the set-up date last night.

"I thought I'd rather like to give you two some time alone in which your _friendship," _He stressed it terribly suggestively, "could blossom. I always seemed to be coming between you before..." Jervis sipped and stared into his tea dreamily. "Though normally it is the Dormouse sleeping between the Mad Hatter and his March Hare..."

Edward did not want to dwell on how those words could be interpreted in relation to the three of them. "Why all of the deception?"

Jervis stared at him with some degree of criticism. His eyes were a softer and darker blue than Jonathan's but had a similar feel strangely. "**"At least I mean what I say." **Are you telling me you would have accepted had the invitation had been honest from the start?"

"Well, no-"

"Precisely." Jervis waved an ungloved hand casually. "I had to deceive, you see?"

Edward didn't seem convinced.

Jonathan sighed, deriving an exasperated bemusement from watching the other two bicker. "Just don't do it again."

""**At any rate I'll never go there again."**" The little one agreed to that.

Scoffing, "An exceedingly upmarket restaurant; you really thought that Jonathan would be comfortable on a date there?" The Riddler moved onto the offensive against their devious cupid.

"No, that was for you dear Dormouse. I know-" The muted sound of crows cawing filled the air around them.

While the other two were looking for the source, Jonathan got up and took his phone from his pocket, "Contact. New chemical delivery," and made for the door.

"Ah." The two left at the table watched him go.

When they were alone, Jervis continued. "I know that Italian is your favourite and of course-"

"Why me?" Edward cut straight in.

"Hm?" The madder man sipped at his tea, unphased by random and nonsensical subject changes.

After a glance to check they would be alone long enough, not that you could really tell such things with vision, he elucidated. "Why are you giving him to me?" Jervis gave him a slightly lidded, condescending look. "It's obvious that Jonathan and you love one another. You've slept together, haven't you?" It wasn't a very heartening thought, after last night, but really there had been an inkling in Edward's mind for years.

The Mad Hatter swilled his tea for a second and finally finished his cup. "Mmm... **"You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question," added the Gryphon." **He grinned with deep and slightly sadistic delight. "You do know why hares go mad in March, don't you Dormouse?"

Edward should have been put out by the insult but his mind was full of an image of a tea party gone awry, Jonathan in nothing but large, bunny ears apologising, "_But it was the best butter I used, I assure you Hatter!" _while Jervis bent him over the table and...

"...Dormouse?" The Mad Hatter had been looking into the looking glass a few times whilst fantasising to know what was wrong but couldn't fathom what the other man might be imagining up.

"Y-Yes of course... I do..." Edward snapped back with a blush. "A-Anyway, why are you surrendering him to me?"

Jervis grinned his obnoxious grin again. "My, what's this? A question The Riddler doesn't know the answer to?" The other two really were insufferable about him asking and answering questions.

Since he was put out, Edward gave a riddle. "I am a key but I have no door-"

""**Do you mean that you think you can find the answer to it?" the March Hare said."**

Damn it. He was always underestimating the daydreaming Mad Hatter but Jervis was a genius, as good at guessing his riddles as Jonathan if he kept his head in this world long enough to hear them. He would even try and answer them with one of his obsessive quotes if he could.

"Of course I know we are much more fitting for one another than you and he ever would be," Edward stressed it meanly, in vengeance for trying to make a fool of him, "but I doubt that you would ever see rational reason like that Jervis, so I want to know your reasons."

It really wasn't well received. "**"If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear," said Alice seriously," **Whilst Jervis pointed a finger accusingly in real life,** ""I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!"**" He turned his distinguished nose up and away.

"...What?"

The Mad Hatter sneered, trying to look down upon Edward despite being nearly a foot shorter when standing. "Be polite or I won't entertain your questioning Dormouse."

Anything else and Edward could have gone away and worked it out himself but not this madness. There was no way that he could leave such a thing unanswered either. "Fine. Will you _please _tell me why you know you are not good enough for Jonathan?"

The particular phrasing didn't go unnoticed and Jervis took his time stirring a little more milk into his tea before answering.

Jonathan hadn't returned yet, and therefore was probably in some argument with his suppliers due to his avaricious nature. Just because he now had so much money, it wouldn't change his habits.

"Very well, if you want your answer _Edward_," He lingered on the name with some ill will. They always fought like this, though got along somewhat beneath it, "Jonathan is too comfortable with me. That is my main reasoning why."

Even though his utter insanity was obvious, Edward hadn't been expecting that. ""Too comfortable"? And that is a bad thing?"

Jervis merely stared at his tea rather than drink it. Something sombre had overtaken him. "...You provide a challenge for dear Jonathan that I never can. He and I... make too much sense to one another. I find just as much comfort in him, you see?" The Englishman looked up with an appealing smile and almost a self-deprecating chuckle. "He never has a problem conversing with me and most peculiarly, we can both find mental stability in one another's company." When the cup of tea was sipped at, Jervis realised he had added too much milk before. "But that is not what Jonathan needs; he is too good for such an existence. I stop him from realising his full potential, attending to his wonderful fear research just as it detracts from my own science. It is, strangely, better for us both not to be happy." To counteract the excess milk, more tea was added from the pot.

"You seemed to have no problem being maliciously mad these past few months with him." During the planning and execution of their work together he hadn't noticed either of them acting in any way that could be described as domestic or relaxed- Though actually, Jervis always had been encouraging the doctor away from work for food and tea breaks... and a couple of times he could have sworn Jonathan was the one that actually proposed their little tea parties...

"Ah yes, but you were there between us Dormouse. **A Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.**" A tea spoon was pointed across the table at Edward. "You challenge me as well, you know?" A deeper purpose for all of them to pursue their respective interests to impress and aid one another. It had been a remarkably good motivator being together.

"I see... A challenge..." Well Edward had worked that much out for himself last night when looking at Jonathan's motivations but to think Jervis understood it as well...

For no particular reason, the Mad Hatter suddenly became somewhat peeved. "Any other life and he would be mine for certain, you see? You are a lucky mouse and I expect you to make dear Jonathan exceedingly happy for me, without, mind," He waved that teaspoon with mild threat, "changing him from the wonderful person he currently is." The small, silver spoon was dropped into the teacup with a clatter and splash. Jervis drunk from it without poking himself in the eye before issuing a final warning. "Treat him well, or I shall be reclaiming my dear partner in tea."

The Riddler frowned, pulling an unpleasant sneer. The little pipsqueak thought he could boss him around! _"Oh? Just like you took Miss Pleasance for your own as well?" _That was what Edward had wanted to say but found he didn't. It was not like him to care for someone's feelings when he could prove his superiority though... He went for something less likely to upset but still rather hostile. "I'm frankly surprised you even like Jonathan. He's not really blonde enough for your tastes," And the coup de grace, "or young enough."

Oh how frumious the short blonde grew then! "I am not...!" He hissed, too angry to even complete his defence.

The victor grinned with cruel delight.

It took a heavy exhale for Jervis to calm himself. ""**Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered**..."" He still glared at Edward while he answered in a tone very laced with spite. "A lowly and despised wretch he may be but Jervis Tetch still has a human heart you see." Referring to himself in the third person? That was strange even for him. "The Mad Hatter is a mere looking glass reflection of me, but a mirror can only show so much!" Jervis wagged a finger there for emphasis. "**"I can see all of it when I get upon a chair – all but the bit behind the fireplace." **There is far more to me than that slightly caricatured persona Edward. I am still capable of having friends and loves." Here he became saddened and glum into his tea. "Though yes, very few I will grant you..."

So some sanity did still remain in that tea-addled mind. And once again, if he gave it some thought, Edward realised it was Jonathan that brought about most of the saner moment he had seen.

But he was in no mood for examination of the other rogue's mental disturbances right now. "Do you think he gets bored of you Jervis, since you actually act in some resemblance of normal with him?" The instant he mentioned the idea of boring Jonathan it had once again engendered some anger in the other conversationalist.

"Rather than having a fragile and easily manipulated mind like yourself?" The Mad Hatter guessed at. "Oh perhaps, but I do hold my own, other intrigues for our dear Fear God." The conversation moved on before Edward could ask or think of them himself. "Do be careful he doesn't start abusing you Dormouse. I'm afraid this March Hare isn't quite the sweet thing Alice once met."

Leaning on an elbow, The Riddler arrogantly replied, "Do you really think I'm _that stupid _as to not realise Jonathan wants to practically torture me? Hm?" Jervis made no comment on the matter which was the most annoying response possible. He just sipped his tea, almost as if he knew how much it would anger the one talking. "I'll ensure that I have the control really, that he wouldn't do a thing without my say." That might still take a while sadly. "And I certainly wouldn't stick around if he ever did go too far." Edward rubbed unconsciously at where an old scar lay beneath his shirt upon his upper arm. Never again would he live like that.

"You say that," The mad Englishman was holding up a teaspoon in one hand and a butter knife in the other, comparing his reflection casually in both, "but Jonathan is addictive, you know?"

"You'd know how exactly?"

Jervis' gaze was far too piercing for him not be very lucid right now. Any nonsensical madness was entirely of his choosing. "I nearly ended up leaving Wonderland for him."

"Wh-What?!" Edward's mind couldn't comprehend that. "You're lying." He spat.

Quite seriously, Jervis shook his head. "No, no. You may ask Jonathan; he nearly gave up on his research for me-"

"He would never-"

"He nearly did." There was silence as both men glared. "We were prepared to go straight for one another, let ourselves be cured." That was no idle thing to say here amongst rogues. How the media would talk; trying to fit back into society; what a source of amusement they would become for the public... Giving up crime was barely an option for any of Arkham's gallery now. "It's such a temptation with him... Jonathan..." His voice strained, eyes closed and breath a deep shudder. "That is why I know we cannot be together..." Jervis was all but ready to cry.

After all he had seen in these years of crime and Arkham, Edward couldn't help but find this more disturbing.

True human sentiments... They weren't something the rogues were permitted anymore.

"...Just how much do you love him?"

Jervis had his face covered by his hands and when he opened his mouth, only a cracked noise emerged at first.

In the quiet of the house, they could just about hear Jonathan arguing rather irately a few rooms away.

"E-Enough..." The shorter man gulped a deep breath and said the rest at speed. "Enough to know that we must be with other people, even if we could be oh-so happy together!" He made a single sob and rubbed at his cheek before facing Edward again without the hint of a tear in his beaming face. "My Alice is waiting after all!" He laughed madly.

It was so well-known how mad they all were but only when they were at their saddest did you realise just how desperately they relied upon their insanity to keep going. If that applied to The Joker, the outcome was almost unthinkable.

Edward had never given enough thought to just why Jervis needed his Wonderland so much. Too self-absorbed in his own riddles. "...Jervis, Alice..." Was it right to try and bring him back? Maybe it was kinder to let him fall. "Alice is-"

"I know..." His buck-toothed grin frayed at the edges. "I-I know..." With no other comfort left, the Mad Hatter drowned his problems in tea.

Could he really leave him all alone?

Before he must have relied on Jonathan a bit, at times at least.

"...Are you sure about this Jervis?" Edward didn't know what he was doing, why he was bothering to ask. Maybe just in case the mad, little blonde flipped one day and wanted his March Hare back. "You look like you need him more than I do."

"It isn't about me!" Jervis cried, unable to really control his emotions anymore. That was a fault of his own mental disorders. "This is about Jonathan!" He slammed his teacup down into his saucer far too hard, upsetting a little tea out of it.

"But he's so happy with you!" What was Edward saying? This wasn't like him.

"Happy yes, but from what time has happiness been the most important thing?!"

Another silence descended. Jonathan must be able to hear them arguing even whilst in his own quarrel on the phone.

Indeed, if happiness of that kind had been at all important to any of them they would have given this all up before it even started.

"Besides," Jervis continued less emotionally, "you must be a consideration as well Dormouse. He is the only one for you, the only one with enough intelligence to be worthy of your time."

"That is true." Edward was talking to himself, since the Mad Hatter was giving some stupid quote about Time being male not gender neutral. "After all this, I suppose you aren't that bad either..."

"Oh aren't I now?" It seemed even when quoting, Jervis was attentive to reality. He was snickering.

If only that stupid, aloud musing could be taken back. "That wasn't an invitation." Edward stressed, finally attending to his tea only to find it had long grown cold.

In the same movement, Jervis managed to shrug and gesture to the teapot if his ingenious mouse friend wanted a fresher cup. "My Alice is waiting for me somewhere, someday. As much as I love darling Jonathan, it need not be him I spend every tea time with. You may have that pleasure now."

There was still the worry that the Mad Hatter might not accept all this sensible reasoning when his lucid phase passed but perhaps precautionary placation was in order then. "...And you want nothing in return?"

Oh that toothy grin meant there certainly was something he was expecting. "I do hope you will continue to come to tea Dormouse..." Singing under his breath about clean cups, Jervis took his cup to the sink and tidied a small pile of dirty crockery once there, "with the March Hare of course." So he still wanted to spend some time with Jonathan? That made sense if they really did get along so well. "It wouldn't do for us to become too far estranged and with you being such a small fellow," He must be thinking of Edward as a Dormouse when he looked at him with such spiteful arrogance, "I doubt you will be able to protect Jonathan if the Boojum comes to haunt."

He may not know much but Edward knew enough Tetch-speak to know Batman was the Jabberwocky. So who or what was the Boojum?

"And you can protect him?"

"Oh I already did. Terrible incident." In spite of the sorry tone he used, Jervis was making himself a snack during all this. "How close we were to never seeing our dear friend again! **"But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day, If your Snark be a Boojum! For then You will softly and suddenly vanish away, And never be met with again."** Hmm... Hardly **softly**. There was ever so much screaming..."

Edward really was at a loss for this puzzle, though had a hypothesis for whom it might be.

He couldn't ask though. Jonathan returned to the kitchen then.

"Problem. I have to go sort a little _disagreement _out." The Master of Fear wore a dangerous smirk as he collected the jacket left over one of the Mad Hatter's kitchen chairs. Four chairs; one for each member of his merry tea party to attend.

"So soon?!" Jervis exclaimed in quite some displeasure. "But you haven't even had any tea yet Marchie! **"Take some more tea."**" His cup was barely touched.

"Sorry." Noting how crestfallen his Munchkin looked, "**"I've had nothing yet," replied Alice in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."**" Jonathan rolled his eyes and gave a treat only he could.

Jervis squeaked with delight, bouncing and clapping and laughing on the spot.

It bemused Jonathan however, "Ahem." Edward couldn't help but feel left out and jealous. "May I come?"

"We came in your car. How else would I get there?" Why wasn't Jonathan as nice to his new lover, the one he had proved so perfect for him? What did the snivelling, wretched, juvenile dwarf have that he didn't?

Edward could see that very blonde gloating wordlessly across the kitchen at him now, munching on a biscuit and making sure to grin very smugly. All that could be done then was to keep Jonathan's rapt attention upon him and no one else. "And I wasn't going to be so nice as to offer to come with you?"

"I'd steal your car." Hah! Now Jonathan was joking with him!

...Hopefully.

The couple took everything and made to lead, the house owner following them to the door with snack on a plate in hand. "You'll come for tea again soon?"

"Yes..." They agreed exasperatedly.

"Only, I get terribly lonely down this hole. **"I am so very tired of being all alone here!""**

"Yes Jervis, we will!"

"Frabjous!" He waited in the doorway and gave them some parting directions. "**"Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing – turn out your toes when you walk – and remember who you-** Mmh!" The Mad Hatter's quoted advice was interrupted by a swift and chaste kiss from Jonathan. Really, it was just to shut him up, or so the defence went later.

"Thanks." Jonathan gestured towards his new lover with gratitude that had the slightest hint of melancholy.

Edward put up with because he had to, as much as he hated that. But he had won now, as he always did. He had proved he was better without any cheating at all; Jonathan knew only the truth about him and still wanted him. That was all he wanted.

Jervis chuckled, camply flopping a hand and dropping his head in abashment. He opened his eyes to see his plate sans one biscuit and he looked up to see someone walking off plus one biscuit. "Ooh! You Bandersnatch!" He yelled in frumious consternation.

The last thing he heard was Jonathan's happy laughter before they drove off, leaving him all by his lonesome.

""**The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown;  
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.  
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;  
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town."**"

Jervis sighed as he was done singing the little rhyme, and found himself sat back at his desk sucking on a shortbread finger until all the sugar had come off. "Now whom next?" He crossed through one item upon his list. "Dear Miss Quinn and Ms. Isley? Or perhaps the Cheshire Cat and his bat?" He tapped his pen thoughtfully back and forth between the two lines. "**"Do cats eat bats?" and sometimes, "Do bats eat cats?" for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it."**"

He paused his pen upon the latter.

"How near they are. If only the silly Batman had enough sense to see the merry dance they have been dancing all these years. He only has one partner." Everyone has only one partner for the dance. "Thesis... Antithesis... They would make such a beautiful synthesis together..." Jervis mused dreamily."Ah yes!" He suddenly seized upon it, jumping in his chair. "And if The Joker finally does take his rightful place in those caped arms," Not that he much fancied The Joker fighting alongside Batman when it came to stopping his crimes, "it might bring his dear, misguided hench girl to sense and she will break free to her flowery friend!" Jervis laughed ever so madly with glee, nearly slipping out of his small, wooden chair. "Yes! Oh yes! Frabjous planning by me!"

He began to draw arrows, with hearts for heads, upon the page, making his clever, busy notes and plans.

"Tweedledum has Tweedledee; they're really quite sorted already..." He murmured distantly. "And the Duchess is very pleased with her cat for now. No need to tame such a beamish spirit... Mm... Mm, certainly..."

He began to talk at random as he planned; bits of quotes sprang in here and there, making no sense even to him. Mainly he was singing the Mock Turtle's song for the Lobster Quadrille.

"Oh how frabjous a day it will be when all of Gotham is in love!"

Outside of his window, all around, the city took no notice of this one demented man's planning. Children learnt and adults worked but soon all would be well for everyone.

"And when everyone has taken their partner for the Lobster Quadrille, the only ones left over will be dear, sweet Alice and I! She shall see we simply must be together!"

He laughed with sheer and utter delight, nearly upsetting all of his precious planning with his exuberance.

""**Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"**"

And at his desk, all alone, Jervis Tetch broke down into tears and cried.


End file.
